So, I have this thing that some people like to call a job. And, while I am absolutely grateful for it (I realize there are many people who can't say that), I mostly hate it. It has its perks: benefits and whatnot. But I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to work at my job. I suppose, though, that must also have something to do with how it feels to simply be me.
I could absolutely never run for President. If I were to, people would be one hundred percent correct in calling me a flip-flopper. But it's not that I don't have morals or a set opinion on different issues; I actually have very high morals and many, many opinions. I just see things differently. I can see multiple sides to most issues. I can see the heart's and the brain's side of every story. And when it comes to work, it is no different.
I hate that I have been there for almost five years, but I'm glad to have had the stability through marriage, children, and homeownership. I love leaving for work some days, but by the end of the night, I'm wishing I were at home. I like my co-workers, but sometimes they drive me crazy. I can't stand getting new people, I want everything done a certain way, but I will not move into management. I refuse. That, and I've been denied. Not that I couldn't do it or wouldn't be able to handle it. "You just don't have the availability," my manager tells me. And this is the conversation that drove me back to writing. In the entire waste of 20 minutes with my manager, the one thing that didn't leave me brokenhearted and beaten up was this:
He tells me, "I mean, if you really have a passion for this company and see yourself moving into MT at some point, then yeah, the next logical step is being a shift manager. But if you don't see that, it's really not worth it. If you look at the pay increase--a couple bucks for a few hours each week, it's really not worth the hassle."
And I knew that. I've known that all along. I don't want to stay here. I wanted to quit after 6 months. I see the bullshit and drama that the shift managers deal with and I've never wanted to deal with that. Hell, I was on the verge of heartattack just having to bring up a touchy subject with my manager. Telling others what to do? Ha! I even thought about becoming a district manager at one point. I looked online at what they require when it comes to DMs. College degree in business or the like, at least a 3.0 GPA and the ability to get through the DM training program (which includes learning all of the other positions first, starting at the bottom of the totem pole). What did my DM tell me when I inquired about this?
Me: Hey, so I was thinking of finishing up my degree, I only have two years left, and I was thinking about Business Management and then trying to get into the DM program here. Do you think that would work to my benefit--you know, since I've already had experience with the company?
DM: Um, well, you're still full time, right? So how would you go back to school? Since you have to have open availability? I mean, unless you can find a school which operates between like 10 pm and 5 am.
Me: Yeah, well, I was going to look into an online program, so that I can work at my own pace more or less.
DM: Oh, yeah. Well, you know, they generally go to different colleges and look for students to do internships and whatnot from there. And also, they require at least a 3.0 GPA...is that...something that you have??
Me: Well, yeah...my GPA is at like 3.8.
DM: Oh! Well, yeah, I'd just say you'd have to be sure that you're still available to work any time.
And, after talking with a co-worker about this conversation, found that the company is against hiring current employees for corporate positions like this. Besides, I thought, I think being a douchebag is also part of the requirements. And I just don't have that in me.
So here I've been: doing the same monotonous job for nearly 5 years. And I'm stuck in this never-ending catch-22. Do I leave? And if I do, what can I do? I have an associate's degree, which is not exactly preferred among employers. Why hire someone with two years college instead of four? Or six or eight, for that matter. Besides, the jobs that could potentially hire me wouldn't pay as well and wouldn't have the flexibility or benefits that my current job does. Going back to school would cost an arm and a leg--and for what? I'd probably end up like half the college grads out there, deep in debt over a piece of paper and still no one looking to hire. But to stay? I've just literally sat for several minutes to try and come up with a way to describe how it feels going to work each day. It's difficult. Like I should be on Undercover Boss or something. As if one day, I'm just going to say "Surprise! I'm actually your boss!" But that day never comes. It's the opposite of that humbling feeling that those bosses feel after they've been in the other people's shoes. I know I am better than this job.
I swear I will get out. I have to. At least this is a step in the right direction.
No comments:
Post a Comment