Just a few months back, after I had my second daughter, I was at my doctor's office for a post-op visit. After checking in, I sat a seat in one of the many seating options: three couches, five or six large armchairs and a few other, smaller single-seater chairs. I picked one that was centrally located, just across from the door I'd be going into and just in front of the reception window. With several other people in the waiting room, I grabbed a magazine, knowing that I'd need it to pass the inevitable time before I met with the doctor.
One by one, the other women filed through the doors, where they met with one of three doctors who are part of the practice. Finally, it was down to me and one other woman who had come out of one door and was speaking with the receptionists. Very clearly within earshot. I can't remember the exact conversation, but I do recall thinking, Ok, we get you're pregnant, but this is a little overkill as far as having an attitude. I mean, she was rude. And again, I get when you're preggo and huge and wanting the damn spawn of satan out of your gut...I. Get. It. I had just been there. But I could tell that this woman used the term "bitch" on her business card. Ie: Tina McCrabbypants, Bitch Extraordinaire.
So when she was called to through the opposite door that she originally came out of, I overheard the receptionists laughing and complaining about her. "Yeah, she's always been like that! I mean, even before she was pregnant I remember her coming in and she's always been really rude. I feel sorry for her kids. I mean seriously, how was she even able to find someone willing to have children with her??"
As a human being and someone who clearly saw the encounter that had just ensued, I laughed. They gave me a nervous smile as they noticed I was listening and I just nodded my head along with them. Because let's be honest. There are people who rightfully deserve all the gossip and negative comments that others speak of them. And, as I have gladly found, its not just my job where people shit-talk others all the time.
I actually just read an article today in a magazine about gossip. The woman who wrote it was referring to the gossip that she partakes in about other mothers, children and generally people within her child's school. She wrote, though, that although it can be problematic to participate in such behavior at times, it is a social thing. And, even while we may feel guilty participating in useless gossip, it can be just as frowned-upon to NOT participate in it. Those who stay out of it can be seen as "the bad guy," who will tattle on those who are doing the talking.
So where and when should the line be drawn? And is it really such a big deal to speak what is on your mind? Sometimes I wish we were living the movie The History of Lying. How nice it would be just to say what we really feel at all times. How much easier things would be if when someone asked me, "How are you today?" I could be honest and reply, "Really shitty. That customer in front of you...could they be much more stupid? I mean really...if you only have $42 on you, your cart should not be that full in the first place. What do they think this is...1972? A dollar does not stretch that far...anywhere anymore."
Instead, on a good day, I reply with, "Good. And you?" On a bad day, "Fine. And you?" Makes things much easier. And, apparently, then I don't have to deal with Steve coming up and telling me I need to keep conversations with coworkers about the schedule to the office or break room.
On a positive note, the very first customer who came through my line yesterday was a little old lady, who was just buying some grapes. When she approached, I said hello and asked how she was doing. "Oh, just fine," she replied, "but I have to ask: how long as that man back there been working here? He has a bad attitude!" She actually went on for quite some time about how she doesn't live too far away, but would be sure not to come back to our store again because he makes shopping there an unpleasant experience. I nodded my head and slightly agreed with her, making sure not to speak too loudly (heaven forbid any other customer overhears and discloses my contempt for him).
It was a small victory, hearing from a complete stranger that my boss is a negative nancy. I tried to remember that as he was reprimanding me at the end of my shift.
I'll try and make it a goal to not speak my mind with coworkers quite so often. But I really don't feel bad about it.
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